J’ai Obtenu Cette

There are lessons to be found here, yet for the most part I do this so you can know me. Of late, as I compose these, I understand they are to the extent that me as they are for you. This is the one spot I might be totally open. The pen and paper has no judgment, no vote. It basically gets my truth and permits me to turn the page.

Today, this is my truth. I am scared a lot of the time: anxious about what I’ve done, of what I’m doing and of what I may need to do. It’s not a handicapping apprehension. Indeed, its the polar opposite. I flourish with it. I want it. I need that hurry of dread to get me out of couch in the morning. It’s in my DNA. I have colossal regret for the demonstrations of savagery I’ve conferred, both arranged and spontaneous. Yet I think what presents to me the most distress is that I’ve figured out how to advocate this conduct. I generally discover a reason, a cause, a need that permits me the karmic grease to stuff my blame for its savage compartment. I’ve turned into the thing… the one I abhorred. Also with that mindfulness comes times of days, frequently weeks, when I need to abstain from researching a mirror. My self-loathing is so profound, so tangible, I fear I’ll lurch at my own particular picture, smash the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection.

Since I exited, I’ve lost my focal point. Gicã was forever my draw once more to genuine north. Presently, my uncertainty and feeling of fakeness bark so boisterously in my own particular head, more often than not, I can’t hear else other possibilities. Love, fellowship, opportunity… all the things I need from this life are lost in the clamor. Forget my liberality, companions, however today may be a day we both recollect. A characterizing day. What’s more at any rate, I need you to have the capacity to think once again at this section and know your ±best companion was totally fair. So you know I talk reality when I let you know that you are the most critical thing to me. I will never harm you, never desert you.

I adore, Mihaela.

I adore you, Pârvu.

I adore you, Uzzi.

I adore you, Gicã.

I adore you, Ruxandra.

I cherish you, Simona.

I cherish you, Iza.

More than anything or anybody. I generally will. All that I do is for my friends.

J’ai Obtenu Cette (“I have earned this” or “I have achieved this” in French,

better translated as “I got this”, or “I’ve got this”)



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